The need to prove yourself.
Not satisfactory. Not enough.
Never satisfactory. Never enough.
Nothing satisfies. Are you even getting close?
There is no hope without redemption.
The girl behind a mask. Why do you feel the need to bottle up so much?
Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.
At least you have people to rely on. People who care about you. Do they feel the same?
Don't stand so close. You might get burned.
Life is all about peaches and cream. Isn't it?
Until you open up your eyes.
Living isn't that easy after all, is it?
Insecure. Is that how you feel?
Uncertain the future is.
Not knowing what will happen tomorrow.
Not given a choice to decide what will happen next.
Numbness. Is that what you feel?
Not knowing how to feel.
Caused by all the pain you felt before.
Cutting off the flow of adrenaline.
Preventing yourself from falling again.
Because you always fall no matter what.
Clumsy. Is that what you are?
Falling down for no reason.
Is it beacause you want to see yourself physically scar?
Telling yourself that you can bleed. Just like everyone else.
Making yourself believe that you are only human. That you can in fact have flaws.
That no matter what people say or believe, you aren't perfect after all.
Is everything all right?
Not really. Maybe.
It will be. Eventually.
Yes, everything's fine. That's what you want others to believe.
Or is it what you want yourself to believe?
Breathe. Isn't that what you were taught to do?
Live. Isn't that what you were born to do?
Feel. Isn't what you think you can do?
Believe. Isn't that what you want to do?
Seif destruct. Isn't that what you are doing now?
Why do you feel this way? Are things really that rosy?
went to donate blood at the blood bank with giam, leonard, stacy, weiren and his many many many friends. weiren's friends lied to stacy and i.. they kept telling us how in pain they were and everything cus we were sitting next to them. and the both of us were trying really hard NOT to panic, until the nurse said to me: " you try to realx ok? the needle we're using is not the small one, it's the really big one."
Thanks auntie, that made me feel sooo much better.
luckily another kinder nurse came and injected stacy and i. it wasn't excrutiating. the only thing that hurt was when the needle first pierces your skin, and it hurt for only a few seconds. not that painful. then they wrap your hand with a bandage, i got the purple one with stars. so pretty. haha. it takes 3 days for your red blood cells to replenish and 3 months for them to mature. so we aren't supposed to exercise for a week or so.. but do we look like we care? haha
WEDNESDAY
had pe, we played ultimate frisbee, and although i didn't feel tired or perspired at all, joseph and deborah said that i was really pale. but whatever, i didn't care. it was too much fun to stop. haha.. expecially when hongyi slipped, grabbed weiren accidently and the both of them landed on each other. hahaha. so funny. then at the end of the day, stacy and i decided not to attend training cus we wld be doing a lot of pumping.. and we were afraid that we wld start bleeding especially when weiren kept telling us that our blood could start squirting out when we started our pumping. so gross. then we realised that my injection wound was larger than everone elses and that i had some other obvious wounds around it. so ya, we didn't go for training cus we had a valid excuse but then everbody else didn't want to go either. so a couple of us ended up going out for lunch, where the guys started telling us really gross and censored stuff... and there were only three innocent girls ( fei, stacy and i ). i felt so violated and corrupted after that. haha.
THURSDAY/ FRIDAY
went for morning run and we did circuit. it was fun but i couldn't finish it ( i feel so bad and weak ) cus i started to feel faint. if i knew that this wld happen, i wldn't have donated blood on tue, maybe later when i cld have rested more then go for trg. so annoying. ya. went out with jo and her friend to watch memoirs of a geisha. FINALLY. there was this couple next to me, the bung was sick and was covering her nose the whole time with her jacket. but her gf kept pestering her.. i guess she wanted a kiss or smth.. but the bung kept refusing. and she kept sneezing the whole time during the movie. terrible. because she kept sneezing in an air - conditioned area, although it's totally not her fault cus she obviously wld not be able to control herself, i'm sick today. my nose hurts and so does my throat. and right before chinese new year. yay... ( please note sarcasm ) i didn't go sch today cus i didn't feel well, but mainly cus it wld be a total waste of time and like half my class isn't going either. we are such terrible students. i hope lao shi won't get in trouble or anything. and now i'm chatting with dee, whom i miss a lot!!!! haha. yup.. shall blog again soon. or when i have time. or when life isn't that boring.
stacy, dee, jadey and i are in the same class!!! 1T 29!!! haha. i'm so gonna die when dee leaves. stacy and jadey will be constantly disturbing each other lah. i really like my class!! everyone's so nice and friendly.. the girls are just too cute and the boys are super funny. haha. our form teacher's on maternity leave so we won't get to see her for a month and our co-form's a chinese professor. when she walked in and started to speak chinese, the 4 of us were like "oh shit, we're so gonna die." but she's really nice and she speaks chinese really fast. haha. we went to kallang yesterday where we played amazing race and had dragonboat racing. super fun!!! amazing race was retarded cus they made us count trees and we ran out of time and ended up guessing how many trees there were ( 149 ). they made us link together as a class and scour a huge area to find toys that were super tiny. it was ttly funny cus we weren't supposed to break the chain but we cldn't care less and we all learnt how litter-filled s'pore was. we had to form a chain from one end to the other using the ourselves and the stuff we had on us. our class is like the only class where all the boys took of their shirts to make the chain.. it was so funny cus dee and i were running to the end to place our shoelaces and they were like "hey! don't see! go away!!" there was this girl from another group who did a split. like wow man. leonard brought bananas.. like what?! ya and we got soooo wet during dragonboating. stacy and i were partners and poor stacy had to keep bailing water out of the boat.. haha.. while other boats kept splashing water at us. we had a huge water fight and this retarded guy poured the whole bucket of contaminated kallang riverwater at me. stupid boy. ppl started jumping into the river and fei swam over and tried to pull stacy in. haha. we almost won the race though, we got second place. not a lot of ppl got sunburnt though, mel's red and so am i. as usual. stupid linton called me a lobster lah. he's gonna get it on monday.
ya and we had to change cus we were seriously soaked and my fbt shorts was falling off. the toilet was crowded so we changed outside the cubicles in the common area. but the thing is... the door couldn't be locked and a lot of guys were outside the toilet hosing themselves down first. so when this girl came in we all started shouting and panicking and the guys were like "oh my god! close eyes!! close eyes!! " so funny. we went back to cj and stacy and i waited for lemo and caroline before returning to stc for campfire night. stupid caroline went to eat when her house was having a bloody long meeting lah, so she has to be nice to us now. we met lao shi, mrs low and mrs shankar and we talked a lot. and all of us seniors looked so retarded when we stood in the front of the hall doing the stupid father abraham song. so embarassing lor.
campfire night's on monday and i'm tired now, so don't expect any entries for a looonnnggg time. =)
As we lay here together I feel your heart beat with mine
With time standing still, here is where we've always been
Well there goes the world and we're right in the middle again
- In The Middle, Theory Of A Deadman
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LayCheng
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